Journey to Thin

Not a good start to day 2 - breakfast was cake and biscuits. At the moment my goal of becoming thin in 6 weeks seems unlikely to happen but I will keep trying - I need to try harder. It is quite clear I am not trying hard enough at the moment as I didn't even get through day 1! I don't know what will happen today after such a bad start, I would like to say I am not going to eat anything else today until this evening but I don't know if I can do it so I'll just see what happens. Maybe I will just start afresh tomorrow - what a poor excuse!! I am never going to be thin and pretty if I carry on like this.

Oh dear, day 1 wasn't so good in the end! I won't go into details about what I ate because I am embarrassed but it was well over that of a person not dieting let alone someone trying to get thin in just 6 weeks! I have a tendancy to binge - I am sure this will become apparent as this blog goes on! I have made myself sick after binging a few times in the past but it is not something I want to get in to really - I'm not good at being sick, I'm really loud and it goes everywhere! I can remember the last time I did it at work and my trousers got covered and I had to change into jeans (luckily I had my weekend bag with me!). Gross!!

I weighed myself yesterday and I was actually 3-4 pounds lighter than I thought, although that was probably because I had just had a hot bath and also only had thin pj's on. Anyway, after what I ate last night I have probably put those 3-4 pounds on and am back up to what I though I was!!! Just for the record, my weight yesterday was 9st3.8lbs. From now on I am going to weigh myself first thing in the morning so I can keep a more accurate record.

I look like a complete tramp today - the fatter I get the less effort I make, I just don't see the point in trying to look nice at the moment because it is impossible! I look GROSS!

It is 13:00 and so far today I have consumed 3 cups of tea with 1 sugar and a splash of milk. 15 calories in a teaspoon of sugar, I'm not sure how many in a splash of skimmed milk but I'm going to say 30 calories per cup so that is 90 calories so far.

Well this is it. I have not been what I would consider thin for years now and I miss it - I miss feeling good about myself and I miss looking good. I miss feeling light and empty. I don't want to feel heavy and sluggish anymore. There is no doubt about it, I look MUCH better thinner and when I look good I feel good. In the last, say 8 years, I have been very thin, just thin, normal, a bit overweight and very overweight. Right now I consider myself to be a bit overweight. I am about 9st7lbs and approximately 5'6". Today I start my journey to thin. I don't want to be average, I want to be thin, very thin.

I am giving myself 6 weeks to become thin - that is going to mean extreme dieting and a lot of exercise but I will do it. I think I need to be aiming for about 500 - 700 calories per day but will just see how it goes and change throughout as appropriate. Obviously the lower the better. I love road running (so great - I can do it anywhere, anytime!) so I will be doing plenty of that as well as stuff in the gym.

Today I even wore flat shoes to work - that must sound ridiculous but it is quite a big deal for me. I always wear heals because they make me look thinner but today I want people to see me as I really am because in 6 weeks time I won't look like this anymore, I'll be thin.